I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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