I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
