mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
