i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
