just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
