it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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