U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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