my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
