Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
