Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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