I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
