update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
