that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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