Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
time to smoke my breakfast
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
