i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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