U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
