last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
