I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
