we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
