She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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