Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
