i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
