So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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