I think i peed on brittanys purse
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I could fuck to npr.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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