I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
