All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
