I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
