she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
