Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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