Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
