only if we run a train.
done.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Randomize
