Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
