he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
