I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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