drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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