apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
All the doctor said was why
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
