If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
