Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
