how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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