she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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