I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
