Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
