I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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