I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
