I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
