Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
