My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Couch. On fire.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
