I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
