it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
