Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Hippo gnu deer
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
