using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
