my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
