yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
